Our favourite ranter is back with more words that form sentences. Having had the questionable pleasure of reading it through, let me be the first to recommend not pressing the “continue reading” button.

Remember my expose on the greatest demo of all time, Line (who is currently available for a div1 team)? That piece of writing caused major political reforms in 23 separate countries, eradicated religious extremism, invented the cure for cancer and stopped famine outright. And now, the story is being turned into a movie starring Daniel Radcliffe as Line and Laurence Fishburne as Loco. But enough about the past. Now, it’s time to look at the information I just received. It took five months, thirteen days to arrive on horseback from Kazakhstan, but now my sealed package is finally here, I can reveal the shocking truth:

A MOVIE STAR has been playing in the TF2 community undetected for years!

Not just on publics, or division six, but he has reached the lofty heights of division two.  This information is already blowing your minds, but it gets better. He even made it to the i39 LAN recently without a single soul noticing his true identity. It took several FBI photo scanning technologies to help uncover this amazing discovery. Run over thousands of photographs, the supercomputer mainframe slowly churned out calculation after calculation, coming ever closer to the truth. At one point near the last hundred or so photos, it looked as if nothing was to be found… the investigation was nearly called off. But suddenly, alarm bells began to ring.

One single photo contained the truth that I am about to reveal. Just who is it?

That’s right.

Sacha Baron Cohen, star of award winning comedies Borat and Bruno is a well known division two scout.

Using NASA pixel enhancement techniques, the grainy photo showed the seat number. Cross referenced to the i39 seat planner, it unearthed the fact that Cohen has been masquerading for years in several games, (including fantastic FPS/RTS hybrid Natural Selection, which pits aliens vs. humans like no other game. You should buy the sequel at naturalselection2.com) under the name of GibbZ.

He just turned 20, wish him a happy birthday.